THE ELITE WIFE BECOMING JOURNAL LAUNCHING SOON!

DON'T BE A FOOL

The Habit of Fault Finding and Criticizing

4 min read

If you've read a few of my previous blog posts, you've probably noticed a pattern. First, I come up with a title that makes you question my character. Then I spend the next few minutes trying to convince you that I'm actually a reasonably decent and well mannered human being.

Well unfortunately today will be no different. Although, and as usual, I'm not the only culprit.

This time I'm partnering with Dale Carnegie and his annoyingly insightful book How to Win Friends and Influence People. So before you send me an angry email explaining why I have no business calling people fools, kindly reserve a small portion of your outrage for him because he's the one who said:

"Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain—and most fools do."

I know. Ouch. But the man has a point. Because if we're being honest, criticizing and condemning is one of the easiest things in the world.

Your spouse leaves the cupboard door open, or your friend gains a few pounds, or your child spills juice on the floor, immediately, you transform into a world renowned critic. The funny thing is that criticism feels productive, useful and it feels like we're helping but in reality it's the exact opposite.

Actually, let's pause that thought for a moment, we'll continue it in a bit. I'm 29 years old, and I only figured out something profound yesterday, and the whole time I've been walking around thinking I'm smart. Because explain this to me sweetie;

Why do people display their certificates and trophies in the living room when they're obviously cluttering the space? And why do people casually mention that they graduated with distinction when nobody asked?

And let's talk about you for a second. Why are you seriously considering getting an iPhone 17 when your iPhone 15 is working just fine? I hit a little too close to home with that one, didn't I? My bad.

Let me tell you why. Because human beings have a deep, super strong desire to feel important. That's why someone you know drives an extra-large, inconvenient to park SUV that consumes enough fuel to single-handedly keep the petroleum industry in business and that only you and me know they can barely afford. I promise, I come in peace.

My point is simple sweetie. The desire to feel important is deeply human. John Dewey puts it way better than me actually, he says; " The deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important." The truth is we all want to feel valued, to feel appreciated and to feel seen.

And here's the strange part. Despite wanting these things ourselves, we are remarkably stingy when it comes to giving them to other people.

We are quick to point out flaws and mistakes. But painfully slow to point out what's admirable. Chances are, the person you're about to criticize already knows, they don't need a reminder.

What they may not know is what makes them remarkable.

They may not know that you admire their resilience, or their generosity, or their loyalty, or their kindness, or maybe the way they keep showing up even when life is difficult. And that's a shame. Because some people spend their entire lives hearing what needs fixing and almost never hearing what's worth celebrating.

Which is exactly why these beautifully decorated Hype-Up Papers exist.

Because if your lips are too used to criticizing, it might be difficult for them to suddenly shift into compliment and recognition mode. So instead of speaking, write it down. These Hype-Up papers are about intentionally sitting down and saying:

"This is what I admire about you," "This is what I appreciate about you" and "This is what makes you extraordinary."

They're about reminding people who they are when life has done an excellent job of reminding them who and what they are not. They're about making people feel seen, really seen. The kind of seen that can be folded up, kept in a drawer, and reread on a difficult day.

So here's my challenge to you, sweetie. Before you point out another flaw, pause, then look for and point out something wonderful. And before you jump to say, "what if there isn't anything positive to point out." Well, newsflash, there is, actually there is plenty, you're just not searching enough.

Listen my love, the world already has plenty of critics, trust me, the position has been completely filled. And if you're not quite sure where to start, don't worry, I gotchu. I've made this super simple for you.

Simply pick The Hype-Up Paper you like most, download it, print it, and list of the remarkable things you love about your partner, your mom, your friend, your sister, or whoever else comes to mind.

Remember, together we can make the world a slightly better place. I know, that was super cheesy, I felt it too.

If you didn't get anything in what I've rambling about in this blog, please get this sweetie; Pointing out people's flaws, mistakes and shortcomings is foolish and unproductive, rather catch them when they're doing good and point that out. Hence the title; "Don't be a fool".

Anyways, sweetie, you can check out The Hype-Up Papers here. Just search for Hype Up Papers. I'll catch you on the next one okay.