THE ELITE WIFE BECOMING JOURNAL LAUNCHING SOON!

THAT FELT NICE. BUT ALSO A LITTLE EMPTY.

The anatomy of a really good compliment

Ever had someone tell you:

"You're amazing."

Lovely, isn't it? Very sweet indeed. Ten out of ten for effort. Now, quick question.

Amazing how?

Are you amazed by my intelligence? My kindness? My impeccable taste in shoes? My ability to keep a houseplant alive for longer than three weeks?

Give me something here. You mean that's it? The complimenting session is done?

Some compliments are nice but utterly confusing and, if I'm being fair, a little empty. I'd actually push it a bit further and say they're a little lazy, even.Sometimes better left unspoken.

I know. Harsh.

But thing is sweetie, there is a difference between saying something nice to someone and saying something that makes them stop and think:

"Wow. You really see me."

And that is the kind of compliment I want you to get good at.

First, retire these from your compliment vocabulary:

"You're amazing."

"You're such a good person."

"You're the best."

Or my personal worst:

"You're sweet."

Sweet?

The problem isn't necessarily that these compliments are insincere. They're just so broad that the person receiving them has very little to hold onto.

Compare these two:

"You're such a good friend."

with:

"One thing I really admire about you is that you always notice when someone is being left out. I've watched you pull people into conversations so many times, and I don't think you even realise you do it."

Now we're talking. Same person. Completely different compliment.

Why?

Because one praises. The other notices. And I think noticing is where really good compliments begin.

Tell them what you see.

A really good compliment has detail. Not necessarily paragraphs and paragraphs of it.

Please don't corner someone in the supermarket and deliver a 45-minute character assessment.

But give them enough detail to make the compliment unmistakably theirs.

"You're resilient" is lovely.

But this...

"I've watched you go through one disappointment after another this year, and somehow you haven't allowed any of it to make you bitter. I really admire that about you."

Different.

Do you see what's happening?

You're not throwing adjectives at people.

You're giving them evidence.

You're essentially saying:

"I didn't just decide you're wonderful five seconds ago. I've been paying attention."

And that, sweetie, hits differently.

And please mean it.

This should go without saying, but since I have appointed myself Compliment Inspector General today, we're covering everything.

Don't manufacture compliments. People can usually smell flattery from several kilometres away.

A good compliment isn't exaggerated. You don't have to tell someone they're the greatest human being to have walked the earth since civilisation began.

Just tell the truth.

"I admire how dependable you are."

"You have an incredible work ethic."

"I love how seriously you take the people you care about."

Specific and true. That's it.

Actually, write it down.

If you've read a couple of my blog posts you already knew that it would get to this. You know I'm forever a pen and paper girly sweetie.

Because saying stuff is wonderful. Truly. But writing it? Oh, sweetie, now you've given someone something they can keep.

Something they can stumble across six months from now. Something they can reread after a terrible day.

Something they can pull out during one of those seasons when they suddenly forget every remotely impressive thing about themselves.

That's exactly what my Hype-Up Papers are for. They're not really for writing:

"You're amazing."

Although you certainly can. They're an invitation to sit down, think about someone you love, and ask yourself:

What exactly is it about this person that I admire?

What do they do that I notice?

What qualities do they have that they may not recognise in themselves?

And then write it down. Make a list. Be embarrassingly specific. Tell them everything.

Because if you're going to hype someone up, sweetie, do it properly.

Give them something better than "you're amazing." Tell them why.

And if you need somewhere beautiful to put all those words, I gotchu.

Pick your favourite Hype-Up Paper, download it, print it, and get to work.

This one is my personal fave, but you get to pick your own favourite Hype-Up Paper, sweetie.

Speaking of compliments, here's one for you...

I really admire how willing you are to show up and love your people more intentionally. I know how vulnerable it can be to truly love someone and actually show it.

I'm proud of you. Truly. Alright, enough said.

I'll catch you on the next one sweetie.