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WHEN YOU'RE GENUINELY HAPPY FOR HER BUT A LITTLE JEALOUS TOO

The Uncomfortable Side Of Celebrating Others

Vices. Those awful, pesky little vices!

Can't we just be good, virtuous human beings? No envy. No jealousy. Just pure, goodness flowing through our veins?

Well, sweetie, the unfortunate truth is that we can't always help what we feel. But we can certainly learn to manage it.

And I can bet you've experienced this awkward mix of emotions before.

Your friend shares some wonderful news. Perhaps she's just landed her dream job, received a promotion, or gotten engaged. You're genuinely happy for her. In fact, you couldn't be more delighted! You know how much this means to her, and you want nothing more than to see her happy.

But somewhere, somewhere way deep inside you feel a tiny, inconvenient sting of envy and jealousy. That little "I wish that were me" voice.

I just want to assure you sweetie that you are not a horrible person for feeling this way. At all. The thing that people fail to realize most of the time is two feelings can exist at once.

I think sometimes we expect our emotions to be a little more straightforward than they actually are.

We assume that if we're genuinely happy for someone, there shouldn't be any room for jealousy. And if jealousy does show up, then perhaps our happiness wasn't genuine after all.

But that's not necessarily true.

You can be thrilled that your friend is getting married and still feel a little lonely about being single. You can be proud of your sibling's career progress and still feel frustrated about your own. You can celebrate someone's pregnancy while privately grieving the fact that motherhood hasn't happened for you yet.

One feeling doesn't automatically cancel out the other.

And sometimes what we call jealousy isn't even about wanting to take something away from another person. It's simply the ache of wanting something similar for ourselves.

There's quite a difference between "I wish she didn't have that" and "I wish I had that too."

The first is about resenting someone else's happiness. The second might simply be telling you something about your own longing.

And I think it's worth learning to recognise the difference.

You Don't Have to Punish Yourself for Feeling It.

I think the guilt that follows jealousy can sometimes be more exhausting than the jealousy itself.

First, you feel a little envious. Then you feel terrible for being envious. Then you start questioning whether you're secretly a bad friend.

That's a lot of emotional drama over a feeling you didn't exactly invite in the first place!

And while I don't think we should romanticise jealousy or pretend it can never become harmful, I also don't think every uncomfortable emotion needs to turn into a character assessment.

Feelings come and go. What matters is what we choose to do with them.

You don't have to withdraw from your friend because her happiness reminds you of something painful. You don't have to minimise her achievement to make yourself feel better. And you certainly don't have to manufacture exaggerated excitement just to prove that you're a good person.

But what if the feeling catches you so off guard that you genuinely struggle to express your happiness in the moment?

Perhaps your congratulations came out a little flat. Well, who says that moment was your only opportunity to celebrate her?

You can always come back to it. The second time around you can even write her a congratulatory letter. Tell her how proud you are, how much you've admired her efforts, or how lovely it is to see something she's wanted finally come together.

Sometimes putting pen to paper gives us the time and space to express what our emotions wouldn't quite allow us to say in the moment.

And if you'd like to make that little gesture extra special, a beautifully decorated congratulatory paper can do the trick. A simple way to turn a few sincere words into something she can keep. This one is my fav, but you can choose whichever resonates with you in the shop page.

Her Moment Doesn't Have to Become Your Measuring Stick

Here's something I think we forget when we're watching the people around us reach exciting milestones.

Their lives are not progress reports on ours. But perhaps we can learn to let people have their moments without turning those moments into verdicts on our lives.

We can admire what someone else has without using it to diminish what we have.

I don't want to make this blog long so I'll stop here. But I want you to get this sweetie, the next time a friend shares wonderful news and you feel that unexpected little sting of envy or jealousy, its okay. You're not a bad friend for feeling it.

But I want you to congratulate her. Mean it. Enjoy the moment with her as best you can.

And if, somewhere in your heart, there's a quiet little "I wish that were me", you can acknowledge that too.

Because you can be happy for her and still be hoping for something wonderful for yourself.

There's room for both.